How do I communicate?
I am a person who thinks before I speak. I like to think things through, organize my thoughts, and respond to others at the right time.
For me, that means: I am present, I am listening, I am thinking, and I want to answer honestly and precisely.
How is it received?
- “Cold,” because I do not react emotionally right away.
- “Distant,” because I need time to process before answering.
- “Rigid,” because I talk about emotions as if they were data.
- “Emotionally absent,” because I don’t send the signals that others read as “presence.”
I’m here. Just in a different way.
That’s exactly why I’m keeping this logbook — to show how conversations that make sense to me can sound like a mistake to someone else.
Logbook: Conversations That Don’t Resonate
NT
Let's talk about our relationship.
Me
I get that you need data. Here's the data.
NT
I feel like you're judging me.
Me
I'm not judging. I'm analyzing. Judgment requires valuation. I am doing a functional analysis.
NT
It's not about logic, it's about emotions.
Me
I’m wondering whether emotions actually follow the logic of the nervous system. If they don’t, then we’re not operating on the same channel.
NT
Don't overcomplicate it.
Me
I'm not making it more complicated. It has more than two layers.
NT
That was just a question.
Me
There are no neutral questions. Each one carries assumptions, a frame of reference, and an expected response.
NT
Why do you analyze things this way?
Me
I communicate through analysis — logic is how I express tenderness.
NT
Just trust me.
Me
I don't have any data that would support that.
NT
You just need to sense what feels right.
Me
For me, right means coherent. I need to check it, not feel it.
NT
That probably wasn't that important.
Me
But it was incoherent. I got stuck. And now I can't move forward.
NT
You're analyzing again!
Me
Yes, because that’s the way I make sense of reality.
NT
I experience it with my whole self.
Me
I process it with delay, and in parts.
Logbook: Therapist vs. Me
Therapist
Let's notice what you feel when you say that.
Me
I feel like you're observing me and waiting for a response. I get nervous because I don't know what is expected of me.
Therapist
It sounds like you got pulled into it.
Me
I wasn't lost. I didn't have a map to navigate it.
Therapist
This isn't a test, it's just a conversation.
Me
I can't switch off my cognitive safety-checking.
Therapist
It seems like you're concerned about how I might respond.
Me
You're asking something, but I don't know what function it serves. Is it a judgment, a hypothesis, a test, or a prompt?
Therapist
I think you're feeling overwhelmed right now.
Me
I'm not sure whether your interpretation takes priority over my experience. And I don't know if what you're saying is a guess or a fact.
Logbook: Family and Friends
Parent
Why can't you just adapt?
Me
Adapt to what? There is no stable pattern.
Friend
It was just a joke.
Me
I did not recognize it as a joke. It had the structure of a threat.
Teacher
Why aren't you smiling?
Me
Because I was not given the rule that smiling is expected here.
Parent
You're exaggerating. Nobody said anything bad.
Me
It's not about the words. It's about their meaning.
Friend
If you don't play, it means you don't like us.
Me
Not liking you is not the same as not being able to engage in your format.
Husband
I can't argue with you like with a normal person.
Me
Because first I need to understand what this is about. Then I may argue, if I decide it's worth it.
Summary: Double Empathy Problem
This is not about a lack of empathy. It’s a difference in processing and communication styles.
- For me, analysis is a form of contact.
- For others, immediate emotional reaction signals presence.
- I need time to process.
- They expect signals I do not send.
- I treat incoherence as a barrier to moving forward.
- They experience this as overanalysis.
Key difference
- For me, presence = listening + analysis + a considered response.
- For others, presence = immediate emotional reaction + nonverbal cues.
This is not reduced empathy. It’s a different form of empathy — one that relies on time, structure, and clarity.